Summer Holds

I looked at some pictures from the morning after. I feel horrible again and again and again, and I deserve this. I did it to myself, to the one I love most, and why? Am I so starved for emotion that I set myself up for disaster? That I self-destruct? I've done it before. I've sabotaged myself.. And I feel like abroken record, not that I did it again, because this time I feel a real change in myself, just that I keep talking like this. I feel a heaviness settle over me, in a bad way. Like my life was all summer and love before I did this... And now it feels like when summer comes again, it will be wet with tears and hurt, and the ghosts of before I destroyed us. There are so many photos of us happy together.. Were we? I think so. Even though things were going on, I've always loved him. Did I fuck us??